I Married My Brother!
Yes, I technically married my brother, but it is not what you think!
In October of 2023 I had the greatest honor of my life bestowed upon me. I officiated my eldest brother and now sister in law’s wedding!
In 2022, I never would have guessed that my best Christmas present that year would be getting asked to officiate the wedding of two of the most important people in my life.
My brother, Anthony, and I have always had a special bond. He the ideal older brother always filling the role of protector and supporter, continually serving as a guiding voice for me throughout all stages of my life.
I have been forever grateful that bond has transitioned with us as we have grown, as so many other relationships from my youth have changed in unexpected ways over time.
When he started dating Stephanie, however many years ago (timelines are debated to this day), I met her one summer when I visited Anthony in Greenville, SC. At the time meeting who I never knew would become one of the most cherished figures in my life…her dog Stanley! Obviously, I am kidding, but Stan is the man, and Stephanie could not have been a better person to enter my life!
Matched to seeming perfection with my brother. I was always nervous to find out what the nature of my relationship with my siblings partner’s would be when we got older. I can say with absolute certainty that in my relationship with Stephanie I have not only found another best friend, but someone I am so incredibly proud to call my sister in law!
I digress… and if you are interested in reading more about their story and my opinions you can start with this excerpt from my officiant speech below.
My Favorite Excerpt
It is only as we grow that we are given the power to choose what our lives look like. Who we associate with, where we live, what career opportunities to pursue, and the million other little choices you make on a daily basis. All guiding us towards the life we want to live.
As we transition to the recitation of the vows I wanted to share a quote that highlights the powerful choice you both are about to make here today. A line in a song I heard by the Avett Brothers many months ago has stuck with me for this very moment. It reads “always remember that there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name.”
You both are about to make one of the most profound choices you will ever make. To build a life together rooted in love bonded eternally in the eyes of God, the law, and your names.
I would like you both to take a moment and look out at the crowd. Look at your friends, family members, loved ones. You both have so many people here today. You know from this day forth you have each other but you also have them too, and never forget that! They are here now to celebrate you both, and they are here in the future to support you on this journey of marriage and life. Both when times are good and when times are hard they will all be there to help you get through to the other side.
You can continue reading below to read a larger excerpt of the meat of the speech!
The Longer Form Majority of the Officiant Speech
Officiant: “As we begin this ceremony look around. Look at the person sitting next to you, the landscape, the bride and groom, and bask in the energy and excitement present from all.
The venue we sit at today is one that is quite sentimental to the couple and brings with it an amazing amount of significance. This is the very venue where Stephanie’s parents got married 32 years ago in September of 1991. Not only that, but as a child Stephanie and her siblings grew up spending time here,and it is the first place the parents of the couple met over dinner. It is also a place where Anthony and Stephanie hope to continue traditions with their own family.
“As their officiant, brother, and soon to be brother in law, it is my honor to share with you their unique love story and the qualities that make them such an extraordinary couple.”
“Anthony and Stephanie's journey began during their college years, where their paths crossed at one point or another in the vibrant atmosphere of an SAE house party. Although their initial meeting might not have been the stuff of fairy tales, little did they know that destiny had a grander plan in store for them.”
“It was during their time in Greenville after college that they truly got to know each other, and Stephanie and Anthony found themselves captivated by the potential each had to offer.”
Anthony noted, he once crossed paths with Stephanie after graduation and thought to himself “I wish I was with a girl like Stephanie.” and asking “why can I not be in a relationship with someone like that.”
Similarly, Stephanie, having heard a lot about Anthony, imagined that he would make a great partner. But she said at the time she “never would have imagined that things would align and [they] would end up together.”
Those days began their daydreams of one another that would one day become their reality.
When asked about the moment they realized they had found "the one," both Anthony and Stephanie shared heartfelt reflections. For Anthony, it was witnessing how seamlessly he became a part of Stephanie's life and her family in Pittsburgh. Despite the challenges covid provided and their long distance relationship, Anthony found himself spending weeks at a time with Stephanie and it was simply easy. They always saw eye to eye on the important things in life, which made discussions about the future, family, and core values seamless as they were already in alignment. When presented with the opportunity to work remotely and relocate to Pittsburgh he did not hesitate.
Stephanie noted there were a multitude of moments when she knew Anthony was special and she would be lucky to have him in her life forever. She revered the way he embraced his move to Pittsburgh and this new chapter in their lives with enthusiasm and love. This act of love spoke louder than words ever could and it convinced her that he was indeed "the one."
During our conversations they both noted that they had moments of realization that there was nothing they would change about one another. They had seemingly found their perfect match. Never having to change who they are or the things they value has provided them with something truly special, a fertile foundation to grow and build their life together on.
I know nobody asked, but I can tell you when I realized Stephanie was the one for Anthony. A few months after he had moved up to Pittsburgh I figured it was the perfect time to come and explore a new city and get to know Stephanie a bit better. Seeing as everyday when I would call Anthony (sometimes more than once a day, we talk a lot) I would end up hearing a faint hey or hi Daniel in the background, and eventually having full conversations with Stephanie when Anthony would inevitably run off to do a task and shove the phone to her!
I would say within the first hour or two of my visit I could tell something was different. It was almost as though I had met a completely new person in my brother. A person that was always just under the surface but only rarely ever came out. He was silly, laughing all the time, joking with Stephanie, and more animated than I had ever seen him before. Up until this point the only two people I knew that could make Anthony act that way were Philip and Duncan! I saw that he had not only found a partner, but also a best friend that brings out his most genuine self and continues to do so to this day.
The engagement story of Anthony and Stephanie is a fun one to tell! Mostly because I was part of the secret plans that had been made weeks in advance, and it gave me another reason to come to Pittsburgh and get some mineo’s pizza. Which sorry to expose you Stephanie, she said she does not like. If you are not from Pittsburgh that is a big statement to make!
The engagement took place at their favorite park, Hartwood Acres, where they often enjoyed walks with their beloved dog, Stanley. Romeo, as good of a boy as he is, did not exist yet!
Anthony orchestrated some great plans for the day, including myself and Stephanie’s best friend Georgia, joining them in the afternoon for a hike at the park. Little did Stephanie know that this day would forever change their lives. Little did Anthony know that despite all of his careful planning and scheming that two people would be sitting in the exact spot in the park that he planned to propose.
After some on the fly decisions, and a particularly well timed bathroom break for Georgia and I, the two of us split away from the couple, and watched from afar as Anthony got down on one knee and asked Stephanie to be his partner for life. We quickly ran back to the couple and found Stephanie crying, Anthony beaming with joy and relieved from stress, and Stan being excited but having absolutely no idea why!
Introduction of the Readers:
Today, Anthony and Stephanie have chosen three close friends and family members to come up and read excerpts from various pieces of literature and art to serve as guiding examples of the love and relationship they aim to embrace in their marriage.
The individuals chosen, Patrizia Smedegaard, Liam O’Rourke, and Cole Vance, represent one party of what Anthony and Stephanie deem to be successful married relationships. They not only serve as symbols of inspiration but also as sources of excitement for the couple by embodying the joys and fulfilling experiences that marriage has to offer.
Readings:
PATRIZIA: The Chaos of Stars by Kiersten White (excerpt)
“I didn’t fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”
LIAM: Love Is Friendship Caught Fire
Love is friendship caught fire; it is quiet, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection, and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present, hopes for the future, and does not brood over the past. It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you do not have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough.
COLE: The Beauty of Love by Anon
The question is asked: ‘Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?’ And the answer is given: ‘Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired but still strong with love and devotion. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.
The question of why they are right for each other is met with resounding admiration and appreciation. Anthony admires Stephanie's understanding and acceptance of him, her ability to inspire him to be better, and her perfect balance of similarity and difference.
Stephanie, is grateful for Anthony's trustworthiness, determination, and unwavering commitment. She finds solace in his ability to make her feel safe and secure, never giving her a reason to doubt their relationship.
One of the most endearing aspects of Anthony and Stephanie's relationship is the way they express their love for each other. Anthony's playful nature shines through as he constantly finds ways to annoy Stephanie, all in good fun. But beneath the silliness lies a deep devotion to making their lives better and inspiring each other to be the best versions of themselves.
Stephanie, on the other hand, exudes kindness, pragmatism, and sincerity, always putting others before herself. Her unwavering support and patience have had a profound impact on Anthony, allowing him to see the silver lining in every situation.
Anthony candidly admits that one of the only frustrating aspects of their relationship is that Stephanie is always right. Even when she may be slightly wrong she will end up convincing him that she is indeed correct. It sounds like there should probably be 6 lawyers in the immediate family, rather than 5, but I rest my case.
And Stephanie put it perfectly one day, “you know we have the perfect relationship when our biggest issue is that Anothy does not eat enough ice cream.”
Their shared values and commitment to family are the foundation of their unique bond. Anthony and Stephanie both understand the significance of family and make it a priority in their lives. They respect each other's decisions, opinions, and autonomy, always working towards a common ground. Their relationship is a testament to the importance of friendships, as they both cherish and encourage each other's connections outside their partnership.
When asked about their favorite activities together, Anthony and Stephanie's answers revealed their shared love for their adorable dogs, Stan and Romeo. Caring for their companions bring them immense joy, although some days when I call I get not so favorable reports about Romeo’s behavior, but we will chalk that up to his young age! Looking ahead, they envision employing these parenting skills as they build a family of their own, excitedly anticipating the day when they can share these moments with their children.
As they prepare to one day begin a family, they have discovered through taking care of their dogs, Stanley and Romeo, that Stephanie will be the mother that leads with love, and Anthony will be the father that leads with structure, and I will be the Uncle that their kids will be obsessed with! Sorry Michael, Jonathan, Liam and Will the fun uncle spot is taken!]
One memory that encapsulates the fun nature of their relationship is their impromptu run through the rain-soaked streets of Florence during a trip for Philip and Patrizia’s wedding. Caught in a storm during dinner, they decided to embrace the moment and jog back to their hotel, laughter echoing through the raindrops. This experience turned core memory is a simple yet powerful reminder of the compassion and joy they find in each other's company.
As Anthony and Stephanie embark on this new chapter of their lives together, they hope to continue receiving the love and support of their friends and families. They believe that true connections are cultivated through effort and reciprocation, and they are committed to nurturing those bonds.
Their shared priorities, goals, hopes, and dreams are simple yet profound. They strive to stay happy as they grow old together, cherishing every moment and building a life filled with love, laughter, and unforgettable memories.
As we witness the union of Anthony and Stephanie today, let us celebrate the unique love they share, characterized by humor, respect, and a deep understanding of one another. May their journey together be filled with joy, adventure, and unwavering support, as they continue to build a life that exemplifies the true meaning of love and commitment.
As they begin the process of building their life together, the couple has turned to scripture to provide an admirable framework on which to lean on as they take on the challenge and joys of what lies ahead. Romans 12: 9-13 (NIV): Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil: cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
In this life we are born into a family we did not choose, a home we did not know, and an infinite number of opportunities we had yet to take advantage of. There is so much that is given to us as we enter this world, a majority of which we have no say in.
It is only as we grow that we are given the power to choose what our lives look like. Who we associate with, where we live, what career opportunities to pursue, and the million other little choices you make on a daily basis. All guiding us towards the life we want to live.
As we transition to the recitation of the vows I wanted to share a quote that highlights the powerful choice you both are about to make here today. A line in a song I heard by the Avett Brothers many months ago has stuck with me for this very moment. It reads “always remember that there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name.”
You both are about to make one of the most profound choices you will ever make. To build a life together rooted in love bonded eternally in the eyes of God, the law, and your names.
I would like you both to take a moment and look out at the crowd. Look at your friends, family members, loved ones. You both have so many people here today. You know from this day forth you have each other but you also have them too, and never forget that! They are here now to celebrate you both, and they are here in the future to support you on this journey of marriage and life. Both when times are good and when times are hard they will all be there to help you get through to the other side.
Right, everyone! Right! Now how about we get you both married!
